My Mom died of cancer last January 2nd. Almost a year later, I’m still grieving.
I moved from Texas to Ireland in 2001 and my Mom remained my connection to Austin. She was my anchor and bridge to the US. We spoke on the phone for about an hour twice per week and exchanged emails and messages in between. Until a couple of months before she died, we played Words With Friends daily.
She kept me up with what was happening in her life, with my Dad, my brother and his two kids. She also told me what was going on in our extended family and in the lives of all her friends and neighbours. We also exchanged news about our local areas.
I knew as much about what was going on in her wide circle as I did about what was happening in my life. I told her about my partner, my dog, work, my friends and partner’s family. She kept up with all of it and wanted to know all the details.
After she died, it was like a huge silence descended. My Dad doesn’t talk much and emails very little. My brother will occasionally send a message or have a phone conversation. From them I learn very little. Unless something major happens to someone they know, I get no word of it.
My daily contact with home is gone. I pick up tidbits from people’s lives on Facebook. But, people tend to share odd slices of life rather than broad, detailed narratives.
That special support system and font of affection is gone. It’s such a gaping hole in my life. My partner has tried to fill it, but she can’t. Her part in my life is just different.
She had me light candles to help me memorialise my Mom. I’m still lighting them almost a year later. The pain is diminishing slowly, but the emptiness will take much longer to heal if it ever does.